I made a pledge this time around that my husband had to be in light about my status. Dr David Molapo made it easier after listening to his talk on sunday at church... his words were "Diketane tse u tlammeng matsoho dilemo lemo; tsatsing lena you'll break free and I declare peace in your life in Jesus name" I shed a tear because I made a decision that I was going to disclose and talk to my husband about this issue I have been dealing with for years in resentment that he could have been responsible for my pain.
It was extremely hard if I may add because I didn't know how he would react and take it. The plan was to talk to him on Sunday evening couldn't ... then Monday morning while still in bed God gave me courage to speak ... and I spoke. I asked all the questions concerning my suspicions years before and he appeared clueless on what I was talking about unless he pretended. I realized it was not taking me anyway because he claimed the only problems he had were his high blood pressure and headaches for years due to our marriage stress and his job ... he was never tested of HIV before. So I refreshed his memory about me starting to get ill years back and how I got to find out of my own status ...
He was shocked ... really shocked and calm at the same time... its like he was in disbelief ... I made it easy on him by saying that I loathed him but its hard to cut him out completely due to his contribution to who I am and our bond of sharing a son ... and I also made it clear that I am not scared of death at all I have reasons to live now and I want to make it right by starting with my treatment soon, and that he had to know in-case things turn out bad ... He was understanding and even said that he will come in town where I work and should set an appointment with a specialist just so he can get tested with me. But it was surreal to him as he kept saying I am fine nothing wrong me I never even really got sick seriously before ... that's where I had to remind him that AIDS isn't written on anyone's forehead.
I am free ... at last! This has been heavy in my heart for too long, at least now he knows what’s going on ... I will die a free woman. But miracles can happen which I am hoping for in a way ... he might not be positive and for my son that will be a blessing if not so. It doesn't matter what the outcome or how I contracted this disease but what’s important is what I am doing with the information to help me live long. It happened to me and millions of people are experiencing this daily, I wondered why me, while Satan responded "why not you" when obviously nothing special or specific stands out that would prevent me from evil apart from the protection of God himself ..! That's my testimony and truth ... I am free! Thank God for the strength to break the silence~